The Blessings of a Sinus Infection

While I was pregnant with Michael, along with the normal discomfort of pregnancy I was blessed with a nasty sinus infection that caused me to feel dizzy, have a nasty headache, and almost faint.

Now, when you are pregnant those symptoms really freak out the doctors. When you have a brain bleed in your medical history, they freak out enough to order a CAT scan.

I've had CAT scans twice in the last 7 years; once because I fell, and once because of a car accident. However, in the last year or so they have added another angle that they scan, and because of this additional angle the techs saw something which let them know that the shadow which had been seen before was not scar tissue from a previous brain bleed, but a pretty substantial AVM (look it up if you really want to fear for my life) that by some miracle has been asymptomatic for years & years.

After Michael was born, we started the long process of figuring out what to do. Eventually we came to Iowa City, and while the neurologist was kind of an idiot who focused way too much on his disgust at my desire for more children, thankfully I also met 3 wonderful doctors who explained my condition really well, who treated me with compassion, and who have developed a treatment plan that we hope is going to allow me to live a long, healthy life.

The neurosurgeon has said this plan of attack is what he would recommend if I were his sister, and "that is how I view you." The doctor who is treating me today held Michael on his lap through most of the consultation, and as a father of 4 did not view our desire for more children with utter contempt.

So today I am sitting in the waiting room room waiting for them to pierce my head with thorns screw a ring onto my head and shoot the offending vessels with lasers gamma rays (sorry Jeremiah and Adam, I fixed it).

Some of you know this and some of you don't. If I haven't told you it's not because I don't value your prayers or friendship, but honestly I probably didn't want to bring the mood down. So consider yourself told now, and next time you see me it is totally fine to talk about this - I don't mind!

I wish I could say I've handled this all with grace and confidence. Even though I am confident in this treatment, and I do totally rely on God, there have been dark moments when the thought of leaving my children has reduced me to tears. I have spent a lot of time reassuring my loved ones that I'm going to be fine, and while in all likelihood I will be, there have been moments where I fear I won't be.

But you know what's really freaking AMAZING about being Catholic? The Sacraments!

I went to confession yesterday, and I prayed before our Lord in the Eucharist. My confession was amazing actually, even though I was underwhelmed by the priest, the penance, and the place. But the validity of the sacraments, thanks be to God, doesn't depend on the holiness of the priest. The Donatists were wrong 1600 years ago.

I laid bare my soul, the priest told me that in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, "I absolve you," and by the grace of God, through His Church, I now go to face this trial in the friendship of my Savior.

So this morning, as I wait, I am making my morning offering. I offer all of my fear, my nervousness, and any pain or discomfort I will feel today to Christ, for all of you now reading this. May my suffering through Christ, comfort you today.

If nothing else, take this as a reminder to get your butt into a confessional!