Being Supportive

My mother in law will one day be the patron saint of waiting rooms.

Of my wife's immediate family, three members have had one or more brain surgeries. Her father had a blood vessel wrapped around a nerve, her brother had a recurring brain tumor, and of course she has the AVM referred to in her last post.

Like I said, patron saint of waiting rooms.

Some days I feel like I'm starting down that path too. There was a period of time that started shortly after Erin and I began courting where it seemed that we were in the hospital or emergency room once a semester. That was, by the way, my fault. I prayed in front of the tabernacle that God would try me, to prove my worth as the future husband of this woman, to purify me.

Yeah... Those of you familiar with how God's sense of humor works already know that was a dangerous request.

So yeah, a big part of my path to husbandhood has been learning to be supportive. I'll be honest, it's not easy.

Not the sitting in the waiting room, that's just boring.

Not the caring for her, fetching for her, that's just time consuming.

Not being the center of attention - that's the hard part.

There, I said it. The hardest part about not being the person at the center of the crisis is that I'm not the center of attention.

Sick, right?

There's an interesting article I've seen that relates the "Circle of Kvetching." Look it up if you like, it's not badly done, but it's also only a very general guide. The main takeaway of it is this: draw a series of concentric rings, put the person in crisis at the center, and arrange people by their proximity to and how much a part of the crisis they are. Comfort in, dump out. Lather, rinse, repeat.

It's not a perfect analogy, for example the nursing 1 year old's needs outweigh almost everything else now that Erin's out of the woods. That poor boy has had to wake up too many times without his mommy around, he gets special treatment. Still, in general, it's a good rule of thumb.

For example, I can tell you all about how long my day was, and how hard it is to watch the doctors screw pins into my wife's head to hold on the metal ring that she then had to wear for almost 10 hours as she waited for the procedure. To the woman who had those pins holding on the 7 pound ring, I ask if I can ger her anything.

We have been very blessed to be surrounded by people who just intuitively get this. For example, when we had to go the hospital this morning for some followup, our friend who lives across the street ran over at quarter to 5 to watch the kids (thanks HL!). Tonight, we had supper delivered by another batch of friends who just wanted to help out (thanks K&A W!). To top that all off, there has been a tremendous outpouring of prayers and encouragement from family and friends over the past few days.

So yeah, it's not easy to be supportive, especially when you're the one right there, so I would like to thank all of the people who have encouraged and prayed for me through this, because your prayers help me to be the support that I need to be for Erin. Thank you for letting me kvetch, to blow off steam, to ease a little of my pressure. My day wasn't the worst, but letting off that pressure has helped me to be the release valve for the woman who really needs it, and so I thank you - your support has helped me to be more supportive.

But seriously, I'm more than willing to leave the record for time in waiting rooms to my mother in law.